Christmas is Almost Here

It’s the last stretch before Christmas, and that means you only have a few more days to say “Ho, ho, ho!” while you go home and drink yourself into a senseless oblivion, only to have to do it again the next day.  Here are some helpful tips to help you avoid that outburst that got you fired from your last mall Santa job.


Remember How Close You Are to A Food Court

You’re grabbing every single free sample from Panda Express after this. We heard they’re passing out orange chicken samples today. That’s a holiday in itself.


Treat Yourself to A Hat at Lids

After wearing that god-awful Santa cap all day, you deserve to hide your bald spot with something a little more you.


Hold On Just A Little Longer

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. The Santa business is a lucrative one, and millions of people all over North America will speak to the man with the bag at some point this December.